
I had just stopped crying. I cried like someone had died. Mr Dreamheart thought someone died. I guess someone did die. A part of me. A whole world, died. I’m a big girl, that’s what I keep telling myself. And tomorrow I’ll be going to class with a pair of puffy eyes. I didn’t ask for that. For my eyes to be puffy. I didn’t ask to be heartbroken, too. None of the things that made me cry were stuff I asked for. None. But a whole world died. And Mr Dreamheart thought someone died. And I cried. What more could I do? Nothing. It just, died.
So I thought heartbreaks are stuff that hurt your heart. But a heartbreak hurts your everything. I was hurt all over. I’m still aching all over. I remembered telling someone, ‘Jangan lukakan perasaan orang, susah nak ubatkan. Sedangkan gelas kaca yang serpih pun, bila dilekat semula nampak parutnya, apa lagi hati manusia.’ And I’d just realized how true that statement is. A heart that breaks will heal, but there will always be scars left.
I do believe my heart will heal. And I do hope the scars will vanish, too.
No one breaks my heart, if anyone’s wondering. Time did. Time flew and suddenly I’m all grown up so my heart breaks. My time came. So did my first heartbreak. And God how it hurt! How it hurt so badly I thought I’d cry myself to sleep just so I could wake up to another morning realizing it was all just a dream. And God that is definitely wishing too much. Because it wasn’t. That’s why it hurts even more.
Peter Pan was a genius for choosing to not grow up. If I could choose the same, I think I would.
Then I won’t have to cry. And I won’t have to wish it didn’t happen.
Growing up sucks.
For now.
Yeah.
For now.
T.T